The funny side of motherhood

I was thinking about how many weird things we do when we become Mothers and how very odd they must seem to someone without kids. Moms are a very special breed.

  1. You pick your baby up to smell their bum on purpose.
  2. You have sniffed your clothes to see if you can get away with wearing them.
  3. You have put your hand in your pocket or handbag only to pull it out with the sticky remains of a fizzer or sucker stuck to it.
  4. You have pretended that it is later than it really is, just so the kids will go to bed.
  5. You have moved an adults’ coffee, so they don’t knock it over.
  6. You have turned the pages of a book two at a time just so the story finishes sooner.
  7. You have quickly shoved a second hand piece of food or sweet in your mouth because you don’t know what else to do with it.
  8. You take your phone to the bathroom with you in hope that you may be able to have a quick catch up on facebook.
  9. You have been alone in the car and you are still listening to Barney and humming away to yourself.
  10. You have a phone contact book where everyone is referred to as Sharon BensMom.        File 2016-04-26, 15 09 55
  11. You get super excited when you get to go to bed early.
  12. You have swatted blindly in the back of the car, hoping to hit someone.
  13. You prefer suppositories to syrup.
  14. You find yourself often talking in third person, like you were not even there. “Now if Mommy sees you doing that again, mommy is not going to be very happy!”
  15. You have popped your finger into your baby’s nappy to check it they had done a poo.
  16. You have asked for milky coffee, because you are not used to drinking it hot.
  17. You have purposely thrown your hands in front of your child’s mouth to catch their vomit.
  18. You got super excited and danced around because your little human went in the potty.
  19. You say words like “Oh Foowie” when you stub your toe.
  20. You hide chocolate so that you do not have to share it, and if you are caught, you deny it.File 2016-04-26, 15 54 36
  21. You kill yourself laughing at jokes like: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? Wait for it.…….. To get to the bottom.
  22. You go on a romantic holiday for two and the first thing you say is,”Aah, the kids would love it here”
  23. You cannot wait to have time away from the kids and then you spend the entire time talking about them and counting the hours till you get to see them again.
  24. You have pretend eaten or drunk from a play tea set, and enjoyed it.
  25. You know that if you look under the car seat that you are sure to find, some dry worse, chips and something that looks like it was once food.
  26. You sound like you have turrets syndrome when you are speaking on the phone, “yes that sound amazing I would love to………….get off of there now…………sorry, yes what time should we meet……………………I’m warning you……………………I cannot wait to see you………………right that’s it.
  27. You have turned the radio up in the car in an attempt to drown out the back seat noise.
  28. You cry at everything, weddings, funerals, sports days, plays.
  29. You have made your child take a nap because you are so tired and you need one more.
  30. You have had to try your best to keep a straight face at something naughty when you really want to laugh until you cry.

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