Coming from a family of 3 girls, I never really knew what boys were all about and how very strange they can be.
A few years ago an elderly lady said to me, “Boys and Girls cannot possibly be that different?” Before I became a boy Mom, I would have possibly agreed with her. But since I had the boys my views have changed. I replied, “Well it is like this: If you take a puzzle and give it to a girl, she will sit for hours doing the puzzle till it is a perfect masterpiece. Take the same puzzle and give it to a boy and he will try his hardest to see how many pieces he can fit in the DVD player, that is just boys for you!”
Boys will take any item they can and turn it into something else. A simple piece of paper becomes a paper aeroplanes Give them roll up crayons and the next thing they have a homemade weapon, a pea shooter of note. A piece of wood or a roller towel inner becomes a home-made gun. They can make the most unbelievable things out of random items.
That as I learned is just the beginning of having boys. There are so many other things that you would not have if they were girls.
The pride of their package, I know they talk about men and their penis obsession, but who would have thought the little boys would play with it every chance they get.
Oh and the open conversation about bowel movements drives me crazy. Girls discretely go to the toilet and if it is a number 2, they get it over and done with as quietly as possibly, not boys, they leave the door open and invite their mates to talk to them while they do their business. Oh and if you were lucky enough to miss it, don’t stress, because they take great pride in telling you how much they stink or how big their poo was.
Then there is the toilet humour, who would have thought that bodily functions could be so funny? Well boys find anything to do with the toilet funny. I recently gave a lift to five 9-year-old boys and the funniest joke they had was,” why did the toilet roll go down the hill? It wanted to get to the bottom.” Well they laughed the whole way to their sports game. God forbid one of them mentions the Minions and “FARTO” this is even funnier. You would think that if you were with people that were not family that they would be a little embarrass about toilet humor but no, not boys, they actually practice squashing their hands under their armpits and knees to make the most disgusting loud noises they can and then giggle at each other. Or try and better their mate’s noises. It is not unusual to hear a group of boys calling each other butt head or fart face. Why would you want to talk to your friends like that? Just another thing that girls will never understand.
There are a few words that may as well be from another language as boys will never understand them.
Fear is one of them. The Higher, faster and more dangerous it is, the more they will insist on trying it. Girls approach life with caution, boys look caution and fear in the face and take it as a challenge to see who wins. So if you are a boy Mom, you are most likely to visit the emergency room at least once. It does get a little embarrassing when they actually know you and ask, “oh dear and what did he do now?” But this is part of the path of having boys.
Don’t run is another one, I am not sure why but for some reason boys really battle to do anything without running and jumping. They charge around almost everywhere like they have some scary monster chasing them.
The other thing that has taken me a long time to understand is why you would want to put a snail in your bed, or a frog in your pocket. Creepy Crawly insects and bugs are called that for a reason, they are just that creepy. They are not supposed to be patted, or taken as pets. The bonus is if ever you need a bug removed, they are always willing to help. You are also less lightly to hear a high pitch scream if they do see one.
It is very different, they are weird, loud, stinky and brave. Since I have had boys, I think that I am beginning to understand my husband a little more.
I have left the best for last, there is nothing more special in the world than the way a boy loves his mother. He kisses and cuddles, he will protect you from a young age. He thinks you are beautiful and nobody will ever be able to cook as well as you. I will gladly learn to accept all the other parts of strange boys in return for the absolute love, support and Horner that you get from these odd creatures we call Son.